Sunday, May 11, 2008
It might seem like I don't care, but I do.
I don't show it much, true. And for some, Im totally insensitive..
But I do care.
#2
*I'll never look at toilet rolls the same again*
I get free rides:)
enz.xoxo
Labels: emotional
Sunday, December 30, 2007
2007.
everyone usually goes, "yeah..this last year?? ups and downs..y'know?"
I would say that 2007 was a year of mostly...downs for me.
0001 hours, Jan 1 2007 was spent searching the VIP room of Passion for Nigel. He was busy getting everyone in. The new year's kiss was postponed till about half an hour later. Such a sad situation, everyone hugging and kissing each other wishing "Happy New Year!" amidst cat-calling and fireworks, and me (and Tasha too) searching for our boyfriends. ppfft. I'm not one to believe in crappy things such as this, but I think this is one exception; how you spend the first minute of your new year kinda mirrors the rest of the year. My childhood friend's mom passes away.
Down.
The month of Jan was when the first YF-er of my generation left. Justin Wong. That day was the day I got my AS results. 4As.
Up.
Uncertainty in the 2 1/2 year relationship creeps in. The wall builds up and it gets harder to talk to my "best friend" since form 2. I almost lost a good friend from college due to a misunderstanding.
Down.
Everyone starts having problems of their own, Edmund,Mel, Joe, Aud, Saran, Naz, Sheekira, Kim, Tasha. The months of Feb to March were the worst months. I remember Joe, Mel and I sitting in AC, feeling incredulous about the bleakness of the situation. "OMG it's just the start of the year wei, how the F**K are we gonna last the rest of it mannnn.."- Mel.
Down.
Ann became a good friend.
Up.
My grandfather passes away. I promise to do well and get into a good university and study Law. For him.
Down.
Nigel comes back, A2 Trials. Bad combination. For the first time in my life, I let my feelings cloud my practicality. Not being able to study, overanalysing, calling Ann, Mel, Joe, and crying my heart out. We go on a "break". I decide not to think about anything to do with him and concentrate on A2. I think that was one of the best decisions of my life. That was what saved me from totally bombing the exams.
Down.
AlexWung, Tzin, Saran. Three people that made Mohan bearable. Tzin for all the explanations of weird questions. Saran for all the weird things she does, like smack my bum, and freaking out. AlexWung, for being the idiot that he is, talking back to Mohan and distracting him. I made a good friend.
Up.
A2 exams. OMG.
Down.
holeeeeedaysss. not that much good comes from it. Lost myself for a bit there. Lost a good friend who cared for me more than anyone should. the break-up is final. being thrown off course. yikes.
being without someone i always had since i was 14. not good. Thank GOD for Alex, Ann, Mel, Joe, and everyone else who was there who heard my gripes, wiped my tears. Met alot of new people. Rekindled old and long lost friendships - IanYun. :) Made new friendships. Ones that will last a lifetime? Maybe.
Up/Down.
A2 Results.
Down.
Going away from everything familiar. Though I must say, having a mango in UK helped tons.:) We've had our differences, but it's tough to find another person who can go on about a certain topic for hours and not tire...so thank you, Shaun, for being the offensive idiot that you are.:P.
Up.
Lost yet another good friend, one that I, admittedly, have neglected. But hopefully that will change.
Down.
Warwick. What can I say. Scandals Schmandals. BAD. Made good friends though, Pingaboo, Gerald, Eugene, Angeline, Jer, hallmateys...Ian, Oliver, SueBee, Nat - pillars. Oh and Nigel too I suppose.Things are fine now between us, and hopefully the bestfriendness will come back soon. Learnt alot.
Down?Up? Mostly Up i guess.
Coming home.
Up.Up.Up.
Present time:
It's impossible to sum up one's entire year in a single blogpost, but those of you who have been here since the start of 07 would know how bad it was. Of course, now I think I can say I'm quite alright, recovered from the pain? But at that time, whoo hoo was it baaaad. It felt like everything came crashing down at the same time, and if it wasn't for the wonderful friends I have, I would've gg-ed myself straight to the dumps.haha. This year was a looooooooong one, and one that I wanted to end as soon as it started. It feels as if three, not one, years have passed.
Maybe it's because I've experienced so much. Loss and gain of love. Life and death. Change that determines career. Growing up and away from home. I can't say I remember many good things (as you can see most of the things up there are DOWNs) but I guess the one good thing that came out of those downs was that I learnt something from each of them, and have grown wiser(??)..well, hopefully.
About the crazy little thing called love? Confused is what explains me. Still am, doubt it if I'm able to love, and love freely without inhibitions or ego.Yet.
A wise Leonard once said "I guess you learn, and keep on learning from what you experience. One day I'm sure you'll be okay again"..*or something along those lines..I don't remember much amidst the tears in that night bus back to Holborn*
Feeling cold and detached have become a part of me this year. To someone who hardly ever feels down in the dumps, the one with the biggest goofiest smile every morning, the energizer bunny who annoys people no end with her chatter - that has been the one thing that held me back, pulled me down.
A year of change. Growing pains. It's over. THANKFULLY. I guess I can say I've come out older and smarter. heehee.
EnLi's New Year resolutions:
-No grudges.
-No drugs, smoking, excessive drinking.
-Wake up for early lectures and do weekly/daily readings.
-Try to get up and go to church.
-No falling in love too easily.
-Make good friends and KEEP em.
:)
I wave a happy goodbye to 2007!
PS: you know how they always say College friends go away after awhile and it's the High School ones that matter? UTTER BOLLOCKS! I heart PL2!!
Francis said "Remember..but also, remember to forget.." and so I shall..put 2007 behind me, but remember the lessons ive learnt (numerous ones).
I cant waste time so give it a moment,
I realise that nothing's broken,
No need to worry about everything I've done,
Live every second like it was my last one,
Don't look back, got a new direction,
I loved you once 'cause i needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do,
You're on my heart just like a tattoo.
To the year 2008 and may it be less painful than this year!:D
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
.enz.
Labels: emotional, thoughts to ponder
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove
Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won.
.enz.
Labels: emotional
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Let me tell you a story.
OK...I'll just jump to the parts that matter. Some of you might get it; some of you wont. One of you will.
Squash.
Coke overdose.
Sheepmonkey Cards.
Warwick Arts Centre.
Grey and Yellow Sweaters.
London Euston.
London Victoria.
Wicked.
Deskinning Chicken.
Couches.
Furry Carpets.
Antisocial MSNing.
Simpsons.
Reading/Sleeping.
..Every 20 seconds.
I wonder what the Queen is doing?
It's not cold..*shivers*
Thai food.
Chocolate cake.
Message in ice.
Fossil.
Dior.
Religion.
She once said something, that she'd always be around. But she's not. She made him believe.
Did he take tht for granted?
He doesn't blame her.
I hope that jogged your memory. Fun/Nice?
Just remember.And know of the hurt you're dealing onto him.
Mixed genders.
Confusing for some, but I'm sure YOU'RE smart enough to understand.
Labels: emotional
Friday, November 9, 2007
enli has been very stupid.
enli has nothing to say to herself except look in the mirror and give herself the "-,-" face.
enli cannot believe how idiotic she's being.
simply unbelievable.
incomprehensible.
enli has not used her reading week to READ AT ALL.
enli shakes her head.
why la why enli.
why you so stupid wanz?
it's about time the man-hating/independent songs come out again.
-.- at self.
Labels: emotional
Thursday, November 8, 2007
:(
miss you!
Labels: emotional
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
She sits on the plane and watches her tears fall
From a far away platform he tries to stand tall
He knows she’ll come back and he’s sure of her safety
But what’s blowing his is mind is why he feels that way.
She sits back and watches as she leaves his world behind.
Tell me when you will return to me
So I can sleep again.
And tell me when you’ll be there again
To hold my hands and laugh with me once again.
Coz I cant wait for you to be home again
Coz that’s when the fun really begins....
(song's not done yet)
:)
super sweet babes.
no one's ever written a song for me before.
I'll see you when I get back in Dec kays?
much love.
oh oh.the princess has spoken:)
From a far away platform he tries to stand tall
He knows she’ll come back and he’s sure of her safety
But what’s blowing his is mind is why he feels that way.
She sits back and watches as she leaves his world behind.
Tell me when you will return to me
So I can sleep again.
And tell me when you’ll be there again
To hold my hands and laugh with me once again.
Coz I cant wait for you to be home again
Coz that’s when the fun really begins....
(song's not done yet)
:)
super sweet babes.
no one's ever written a song for me before.
I'll see you when I get back in Dec kays?
much love.
oh oh.the princess has spoken:)
Thursday, October 25, 2007
I cant believe you had the nerve to say the things you said
they hurt so bad that they ended our relationship
I cant believe it ..3 years gone down the drain
oh how I wish things would have happened so differently
I tried to save it so many times but you still couldn't see
you kept insisting and resisting that you would not fall again
and now you're trying to tell me that you're sorry
and you're trying to come back home
you're telling me you really need me crying begging both knees are on the floor
but baby I
Don't wanna try don't wanna try don't wanna try no more
you keep insisting when you know our love is out the door
don't wanna try don't wanna try 'cause all we do is fight and say the things
that hurt us bad to when we both begin to cry
dont wanna try dont wanna try I bout just had enough
its been a rough road
baby just let it go
don't wanna try don't wanna try don't wanna try no more
tell me whats the use of holding on when all we do is hurt our love
You and I had many conversations on the telephone
talks about one day we having a place of our own
wake up in the morning and have breakfast ready on the table
but all of that just seems so far away from me
had to wake up face reality
it all just seems to good to be true after all you put me through
they hurt so bad that they ended our relationship
I cant believe it ..3 years gone down the drain
oh how I wish things would have happened so differently
I tried to save it so many times but you still couldn't see
you kept insisting and resisting that you would not fall again
and now you're trying to tell me that you're sorry
and you're trying to come back home
you're telling me you really need me crying begging both knees are on the floor
but baby I
Don't wanna try don't wanna try don't wanna try no more
you keep insisting when you know our love is out the door
don't wanna try don't wanna try 'cause all we do is fight and say the things
that hurt us bad to when we both begin to cry
dont wanna try dont wanna try I bout just had enough
its been a rough road
baby just let it go
don't wanna try don't wanna try don't wanna try no more
tell me whats the use of holding on when all we do is hurt our love
You and I had many conversations on the telephone
talks about one day we having a place of our own
wake up in the morning and have breakfast ready on the table
but all of that just seems so far away from me
had to wake up face reality
it all just seems to good to be true after all you put me through
It's amazing how you come out of the shower humming to yourself, drying your hair, getting ready to go to class...and then one song plays...and it all rushes back - perrrrrfecccccct.
I wonder which side you think I am in that song..
I wonder which side you think I am in that song..
Labels: emotional
Monday, October 15, 2007
but you know what?
my birthday has been spoiled.
........
thanks alot really..
you made my day.(though to be fair you didn't do it on my birthday)
imminent blogwars are way too childish.even for me.
so i shall say only this: Thanks for not wishing me. Now I know that you truly do not care anymore.Now I'm clear on what you want.
Life is seriously at it's best now don't you think?
Labels: emotional
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Yeah, so I don't call or message, or IM you.
If friendship was reduced to just that; then yeah. Fine. I suck at being a friend.
I never called or messaged every freaking day anyway. AND I THINK THE WHOLE EFFING WORLD KNOWS THAT I JUST HAVE NO IDEA OF WHAT IM IS..
It's not that I don't care; or that I take friends too lightly and I dump the old friends as soon as the new ones come along. Thats utter bullshit.
What would you have me do? Seriously. Just tell me. PLEASE. Im at a loss.
I try to talk to you online and you are so fucking cruel that tears sprung to my eyes the moment I read your message.
"hahaha. it's not the same anymore"
whattheheeeelllll.
You know, if friends were defined as just that "people who call, message, and IM" I wouldn't have a single friend in the world. God, maybe I don't.
Did I do something else that was wrong? Am I barking up the wrong tree entirely? Maybe there's another reason why you're being like this but I have no idea and I can't think of any other reason other than this.
I didn't backstab you. I didn't take advantage of you. I didn't become friends with you just because you were someone's son or daughter. I didn't ignore you whenever you needed me. I didn't laugh at you when you were crying. Even when I didn't get why you were upset I still tried to cheer you up.
Regardless of what it feels like, I DO CARE. And Im sorry that I don't know how to show it. It's a bad habit; me not IMing ppl online, but that's because I do not think much of IMing. If i changed from last time, if I used to IM you alot and now Im not doing so, then fine. Yeah Ive changed. But you see, I don't think I was ever much of an IM person anyway.
Maybe I used to call and SMS you tons. But that was back in Malaysia, when I HAD A HOUSE PHONE and a mobile that didnt cost so much to SMS. (yeah money isnt the question here) Im still on a prepaid UK mobile ok. And it's pretty shit because I have to make 30 pounds last at least a week. It would have been different if I had a line and Unlimited texts or something.
Things are different because YOU made it different. Unless I was mistaken, it was okay for awhile after you left. Then suddenly you were cold again. I didnt do anything because I thought it was because you were settling in and making new friends. I didnt want to be in the way or anything. I didn't want to make it seem like I needed you to talk to me.
Your letter made me cry. Buckets actually. I said I was sorry. What else can I say or do? Until now I still don't really get why you and I fell out. And then you apologized too. And everything was fine. And then you were cold.
If what you said in the invisible ink was true, well I don't believe it anymore. The word "always" sounds so fake now.
Im not justifying myself on the keeping in contact part. That is my issue and for that Im so sorry. But I hardly think that "hahaha its not the same now" comment was called for. It hurts. and I cant find any other description of it but cruel. Because I was trying to talk to you. It really hurts. I trusted you when you said always. But no. You don't say things like that to someone you love. nope. you just dont. esp the hahaha part. Thats why i say cruel. because of its definition.
Maybe youre not worth it. Maybe it's not me thats a shit friend, it's you. I don't know. And frankly I dont care. Because whether or not you're worth it, you're my friend.
"A friend is someone you have history with. Someone who's got your back no matter what you do, have done or will do.
I think a true friend is the person who you can call after not talking for a while with no "well, I haven't heard from you in a whiles". . . just start where you left off. . .because no matter how long it's been, they're always in your heart and you're in theirs."
After the conversation, I sat in front of my laptop, in tears and in a daze. I wondered if I was really such a crap friend as you make me out to be. I wondered if I was right in feeling sorry and blaming myself for what happened to us. And guess what....I think you're the cruel one. I don't see you in tears do I?
Nowhere did it say that you have to call, message or IM people to be considered a friend. It DID say that a friend is someone who accepts whoever you are, along with the flaws. A friend is someone who will try to understand (at least) who you are, and though they are allowed to be annoyed because well, nobody's perfect; they are supposed to be okay with who you are.
To me, you don't have to do anything to be a friend. You just are. If you were really a true friend, you'd know that I don't mean to ignore you or push you aside. I don't mean to make you feel like you've lost any significance in my life. Because you havent. No friend has ever lost his or her significance in my life.
You must mean alot to me for me to cry at a mere IM (which might i say AGAIN that i dont think much of).
I don't know what I can say or do. But yeah, this is what I have to say about this. You probably tell people that en is such a shit friend who forgets you as soon as someone new comes along. You probably tell people that yeah it's different between en and i, we used to be tight, but she's changed now. But I know what you told me, and oh my gosh, wouldn't it surprise you to know that it's fake to me now? You told be you'd always be around. Well, where are you now?
your keychain. If I truly didn't care about you, do you honestly think I'd remember to bring it over? And use it as my room keychain?
Think about it. And you will realise that I'm still your friend even though you think that I've changed, or that you're not important to me.
Labels: emotional
Friday, October 5, 2007
En-Li apologizes for not updating her blog as too many things have been happening at once.
En-Li is settling in quite nicely thank you very much.
En-Li had tons of fun in London and is missing it quite a lot (much love to Shaun, Nick, Jas, Ju and everyone she saw in London)
En-Li is very annoyed at DanielHo because he is being an ASS.
En-Li is VERY PROUD of her Chinese name because half the people in the Uni call her "Alexis".
En-Li shall not say so much anymore because she has kinda lost the blogging feel at the mo'.
En-Li is in the midst of putting up a slideshow of all her pictures.
An analogy:
We are like tiny little boats that just survived a raging storm. Picture the boats floating near shore; rather precariously because (whether known or unknown to the boats) there are really sharp rocks just underneath the surface of the water. Any slight movement will cause the bottom of the boats to graze the rocks below. There IS the option of floating a little bit out to sea; away from the rocks, but no, the boats aren't gonna do that - because it is the first step to the unknown. Who knows what storms might rage?Let's say a storm happens, and the boats get tossed about violently (again). Ultimately, they end up where they started which is near shore, just as precarious as before. What's the point of venturing out in the first place when its highly probable that the boats will end up in the same place?
...Of course, if the boats are lucky, and they DO survive the second storm, and the storm actually brings them to new horizons...well then good for them eyy?
The question is this, do you dare venture out into the unchartered sea that has already treated you so unkindly before in hopes of better horizons?
lols.mel that was roughly what we were saying right?
anyways.
nights all.
oh and the princess will speak...soon enough.
Labels: emotional, random, secrets:)
Saturday, August 18, 2007
juuuust got home from KLIA.
sniffles.
i never thought you'd get me anything:)...with you being so busy and all.but you did..and that made me cry buckets.its half a heart with the word 'tie' on it...She has the other half... with "bes" on it...and what does that make?
BESTIEEEE...
SNIFFLEs.
I hate goodbyes.
and a month or so from now it'll be me.*shudder*
hope you liked the booklet thing i made you....damn gay la both of us.
:)
love u tons darlin.
hugz.going to cry now.sniff.weird without her here.:'(
-enli-
Labels: emotional
Sniffles Wiffles and all that sorta thing.
GO LA.
I DONT CARE.
sniff.
Anyways. The daddy is being anal about Uni stuff. Called me about 30 times yesterday to ask about orientation la...flight tickets la....haiyoooooOooOoo.
i cannot take this.
and IM so chilled about it.
Then went with Alex Wung to see his uni thing today.....at PJ hilton. we were under the impression that it was an education FAIR; not an education ROOM. And then he cannot swallow the fact that he WAS THERE and we ended up not even going to any booth..went to caffe cino and had absolutely swunderful cakes.:)
shouldve listened to shaun la really.he predicted that Alex would have too much of an ego to even sit down and listen to some lecturer from Middlesex University or something.
IM going to miss capri soo.
IM all stinky and schmelly now (haha melanie) so i shall go bathe and then have dins dins with la familia and then on to KLIA to see my darling off.
sniffles wiffles.
enli is sad.
:(
see?im sad.
loves peeps.
OH AND ANN IS GOING TO GERMANY YOU LUCKY LIL BIATCH YOU.
congrats on your 3As:)
get me tons of nice things k?
I'll be e-mailing you my wish list:D
-enli-
Labels: educational gripes, emotional
Thursday, August 16, 2007
i do.
sometimes the past should remain just that...the past.
none of these past present time continuum thingies for me please.
"There she was, on a new road, a new way. Sure, it was less than desirable - compared to her old destination, but what could be done? She knew where it would take her; but for once, she didn't care. She didn't care that this road would lead her in the opposite direction of her former goal. her former goal. she scoffed.
Almost like a different lifetime, a different person..different..different..different. On she walked, her feet bloody from the stones on this new path. She wasn't used to it yet, but she would be soon enough.
The smooth sandy road with flowers on the side was gone as she continued on this bleak road with nothing but dead trees as her companions. On she walked..and she was going...going....gone."
Almost like a different lifetime, a different person..different..different..different. On she walked, her feet bloody from the stones on this new path. She wasn't used to it yet, but she would be soon enough.
The smooth sandy road with flowers on the side was gone as she continued on this bleak road with nothing but dead trees as her companions. On she walked..and she was going...going....gone."
Labels: emotional
