Wednesday, December 10, 2008
1. I got slammed by KeatBoon because since I don't reply MSNs, answer calls, etc etc, the only way he knows I'm still alive and my irritating self is when he sees a new blog post. And, he's sick of seeing "Happy Anniversary" as the latest post..so..teehee.
2. Everytime I see Peijean blog something emo, I immediately feel something emo along those lines too. Why oh why does it feel like that 99% of the time. PJ stop being so emo la, if not everytime I reaad your blog I will get so emo I will be crying for no damn reason *shy*.
3. I haven't been penning/typing my thoughts down in awhile, and it feels kinda awkward. I have so many thoughts about different matters that it's just been screwing around with my brain a little too much I think.
Some girls just have it all.
WHY do I feel like that? WHY do I feel tht I don't have it all? Yeah yeah, everyone feels like that you say, but how can they when I look at them and I can see that they have everything?
"Does it help, that if you are disappointed, you ought to think of the people YOU yourself disappointed?
Every single time I feel that way, I become even more disappointed because I failed to be unselfish.
But not all angels are angels for angels placed on Earth can never be angels forevermore.
Thus, sometimes I get disappointed that people don't see how disappointing they can be, how selfishness exudes from their very pores.
And then I disappoint myself further by sinking into the crowd, by becoming selfish myself, because treading water makes me numb and my neck aches, and it's so long that I wonder what's beneath my feet in the murky waters whilst my neck cranes for ages only to see the liquid land."
-PeiJean
I feel that that is sooo true. Sorry for the plagiarism darling, it's just that my literary prowess is nowhere near yours and your excerpt above explains almost EXACTLY how I feel.
This is my version:
When I get pissed at someone, I will start making up excuses for me NOT to be pissed, but that is even more pissing off because I can't see why I'm doing the job for the person who pissed me off. Which makes me even more pissed off because I don't understand why I feel like making excuses for people who piss me off but can't be bothered to un-piss me off. Then I realise that me being pissed off at the person is making me exactly like that person. Selfish and insensitive. Then I GET EVEN MORE PISSED OFF. It's a vicious cycle yes I know le sigh.
Yes, Peijean writes a thousand times better than I do oh wells.
"En-Li why are you never happy with what you have?"
"Gee I dunno"
That's the conversation I have with myself everyday. Everyday I tell myself that I should be happy with what I have, but really, Is that really what I should be doing? Am I settling for less-than-perfect? Yeah Nobody's perfect. So get me Nobody then. muhuhaha. ahem.
What I mean to say is, I have no idea if what I have is what i deserve/need. So if I decide to go for "better" what if this IS as good as it gets and any more will be the worse for me?
But I feel that there IS "better". BUT what if that better is NOT for me? WHAT IF I DONT DESERVE BETTER? *omgdie*
Sheesh all these questions are pissing the hell outta me. I feel like im going around in circles; and not in the way that would seem oh-so-literary and thought evoking.
I feel like I've put so much into stuff, I should get the equivalent no?
"En-Li don't expect too much. You can't expect everyone to live up to your WONDERFUL standards"
OH REALLY? HUH? STUPID VOICE IN MY HEAD PLS SHUT UP NOW.(what makes me think my standards are THAT wonderful anyway arrghhhhkillsself)
I tell myself this, I tell myself that, then I go against it. It's no surprise tht I think I'm going to be the next inmate at Tanjong Rambutan (or some equivalent in the UK).
I think, alright, so, things are going good for you. Remember the good times, trash the bad ones. But why oh why do the bad ones always seem more prominent??
Kshen and Aaron both say I'm too nice. (??) Yeah wth I know.
Ultimate self pity sad moment coming up:
If only I had one male species to prove me wrong.
That maybe, I am worth it after all. -PeiJean
If only I had something to prove me wrong.
That maybe, I am worth it after all.
WHY DO WE GIRLS DEPEND ON GUYS FOR OUR SELF WORTH???????!!!! So no guy likes you for who you are. Does that mean you aren't beautiful in your own special way?
but you know? What peijean has said, every girl has said AT LEAST ONCE in their life before.
One guy to show you that you really are that wonderful girl that he's been looking for all his life.
One guy to show you that you are the only one who can make him smile after a horrible day.
One guy to show you that every little thing you do makes him happy.
One guy to show you that you are worth anything and everything he could or would do.
One guy to show you how well you can be loved because you are just thaat special to him.
One guy to show you that his heart skips a beat when you try to get that annoying strand of hair out of your face.
One guy to show you that all your efforts in making him love you have not gone unnoticed.
One guy to show you that a guy who will give up everything for you *SURPRISE SURPRISE* actually exists.
ONE GUY WHO CAN SHOW YOU ALL THAT AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT.
Most guys have no idea how to do that (ahem ie. AaronKumarHastir..WHAT he admitted it okay!) But at least they have an excuse. Cannot blame them for being so blur and bodoh right?
Some guys KNOW how to do it, but do it for the purposes of getting into the girl's pants.. Saying all these things the moment they meet (two weeks etc) HELL-o? YOU THINK it takes two weeks to know all of the above?
Sheesh. Guys suck. lol Girls RULE.
BUT SIGH, then there are the poor guys that do all that for a girl, but the girl takes him for granted.
Some guy friends I have, go out of their way for their girlfriends, only to be dumped by them for no apparent reason.
Some girls yearn and yearn for any guy to give them the love they need.
But somehow these girls don't end up with those guys. The girls who yearn, end up with pricks who don't care. The guys who yearn, end up with bitches who don't care.
WHYYYYY???????????????
=.=
I is annoyed and is jetlagged and is feeling like stabbing something now. *stabs*
Ahem.
I will go to sleep now. fubgkjdfhbgsjdghksgsdg.
GAH. life should have ended at 20. PJ was right. so many responsibilities that I DO NOT EVEN WANT TO THINK OF.
Please mommy I just want to play masak-masak with my kiddie friends and eat ice cream all day.
PWEASE????
sighs.
-princess-
